Fuck it

If my cousin Eliot ever has children.

Lisa: What would you do if that was your kid?

me: Laugh. Record it. Get mad at my husband. Not take my kid anywhere for awhile.

Lisa: I'd take my kid out and show everyone then say "no more saying that!"

Eliotisms

Eliot: Where does Pa work now?
me: Victoria's Secret.
Eliot. Wow. Don't tell me that. That legitimately makes me uncomfortable.

me: Do we have anything to nibble on? I'm so damn hungry.
Eliot: I'm so damn hungry. I've been eating Vegemite. You want some Vegemite? You've never had Vegemite? You don't want any Vegemite.

(with two year old cousin Maela in the room)
Eliot: Fuck! Did you hear what I said, Maela? Fuck! Can you say that? Fuck!
me: ELIOT!!!!

(watching the third mummy movie. You know, the one with Maria Bello. Mummy of suck)
Eliot: Ah, Michelle Yeoh is totally crouching your tiger. I used to be able to turn into a dragon monkey but I got bored of it.

(on the little cousins' McDonalds dinner)
Eliot: Maela. Treasure that McDonalds cheeseburger because you can't eat that shit when you're older.
(ten minutes later he steals it off her highchair)

(tasting the avocado/crabmeat)
Eliot: It tastes like you're riding a unicorn down a rainbow and drinking from a  goblet of the laughter of children.

“This is what I told him as I gazed into his eyes:  

Ships were made for sinking. Whiskey made for drinking. 

If we were made of cellophane, we'd all get stinking drunk quite faster ha, ha, ha.”

Ghost of Stephen Foster | Squirrel Nut Zippers

Cousin Eliot all debonair with his pipe and shit.

I like your beard.

 

 

 

 

full flickr set

- duck confit, grilled lamb, curried shrimp, chocolate mousse, NZ pinot noir
- Redskinssssss.
- familial tattoos.
- Kai yelling CHOCOLATEEEEEEEEEE.
- photo of my grandfather and Hubert Humphrey.
- humming like the Swedish Chef.