I mean, 72 ain't bad

Steph: This guy at work is trying to eat 100 McNuggets in an hour. Everyone is betting against him. (an hour later) He got to 72 and threw up. 

things I can't say on the internet

Todd Thrasher: I have a new cocktail at Restaurant Eve tomorrow. It has figs.
me: What are we calling it?
Todd Thrasher: I don't know, “What Up, My Figga”?

Oh, a typewriter too? #GetOutOfMyFace

Automatic judgement to anyone using a retro receiver for their iPhone.
You look ridiculous. Put that shit down.

Behold, he hath stared into the face of madness.

Michael B: Nothing in my hospitality career has prepared me for the stone-cold lunacy of 50 geriatrics on a bus tour descending on a breakfast buffet at 6:30 AM.

I don't know how I feel about Chef's whimsical quiche.

Researching restaurants for tomorrows' Williamsburg adventure with Stephanie T. 

No lie, I'm kind of curious about this whimsical quiche. It's the only item on Second St. Restaurant's menu that had an adjective. Well, beside house-made. I'm the queen of writing house-made for work. 

Hey, they like to party.

This has been on my desktop for about two months now. I don't even, I mean, wtf, this is too good. Baby monkeys makin' me want to buy all the things on Fab. Shoot. 

BRBK

sqrlz: (on the abbreviation for barback): If I were ever in the porn business, I would use BRBK for bareback. 

me: That wouldn't be bareback. That would be, “be right back, k?”

Dear Hulu,

I'm just trying to watch a little Community.
I'll thank you kindly not to greet me with a photo of a man that looks he's about to strangle me.
I don't care if his estranged wife Antoinette wants to join him in South Africa - with the kids.

Thank you,
vina

Ouija? Oui-NO!

That day I went to help with the Rossmeissl yard sale and discovered that they were selling a Ouija board.

a. oh hell no.
b. I don't know, vina. Should you take this Ouija board and put it in PX or TNT for Halloween?
c. Nah, son. Horror movie waiting to happen.

me: I'm at a yard sale, do we want a Ouija board for Halloween?
Meshe: Don't even touch that thing!!! Spirits follow you home, haven't you watched the movies?!!!!!!!

I UNDERSTAND THAT'S HOW YOU GET HAUNTED.

[on tonight's episode of American Horror Story]
me: Jessica Lange made coq au vin for Joseph Fiennes. It would have been sexier if she weren't 60 or so.
Justin: My mom gets AARP magazine now, and they say that sex 60+ can be the best sex of your life.
me: ...

because walking in on your parents does not sound like fun vacation times

me: How were the Florida keys?
Caleb: It was really nice, but it was a couples resort for sure.
me: oh how so?
Caleb: Everything was private and in pairs.
me: heheh remember that time you went to a couples retreat with your parents and brother?
Caleb: We rang the doorbell before entering the condo/room. EVERY TIME.

me: do you need me to bring anything? sweets? :)
Yathrib: lol no more sweets, although...I am giving up sweets for Lent.
me: oh no. That's hardcore.
Yathrib: I know! This is going to be harder than Ramadan!

womp womp (for so many reasons)

Oh no, Groupon. I think a little bit less of you now.

I don't even know what to title this post but it made me giggle for so many reasons.

me: buttermilk pancakes and orange-mango juice in 20 minutes - come over! (OR I will photograph and you can live vicariously)

Meekus: man, I just woke up. How do you have timing like that?

me: last time I was there I installed a camera from the corner of your closet or I'm just that awesome. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHICH ONE

Meekus: I'll bet awesome since I don't here gasps about all the nasty horrific stuff I do when I think I'm alone.

Why is this Nivea so foamy?

Dad: (from bathroom) I've lost my mind.
me: what?
Dad: I thought about shaving, and then I thought about facial cream, and then I put shaving cream all over my face.
me: ....what?
Dad: I thought about shaving, and then I thought about putting on moisturizer, and then I put shaving cream on my face like it was facial cream. (comes out of the bathroom with shaving cream all over his face and starts laughing)

What's in a name?

Peter: Would you ever change your name?

me: uh, no. I would have to create all new blogs. Would take me forever. Come on.

Peter: hahahhaah, the blogger formerly known as vina.

Peter: but you've got a cool  name. I've never been satisfied with Peter. My brother named me after a Ghostbuster.

Peter: I think I'd make a good DeAndre or Malik. Malik Lee, awwwww shit can't wait to have a kid. 

me: That sounds like Christmas in Hawaii. Mele Kalikimaka. 

Dreams feel real while we're in them. It's only when we wake up that we realize something was actually strange. Or you're high as a kite.

P: I got high last night and drove while listening to the Inception soundtrack. Craziest fucking night of my life. There was this one point where the music was crescendoing, and then those massive horns blared, and then I was utterly convinced that the light poles, buildings and bushes were actually dream watchmen monitoring me as I moved through their dreamspace. And that I was reaching the end of the dream and everything was going to fold up and show the giant machinery making everything work...but then I just passed out in my bed with all my clothes on. :(

(For the record, boys and girls — smoking weed is bad. I've never even smoked a cigarette. And stay in school.)

The Fire Pit

Meekus: vina. I'm sort of a dick. (insert reason why)
me: Meekus. I'm sort of a dick. Because that made me laugh out loud.
Meekus: oh god, we're going to hell.
me: It's all good. We can open up a restaurant there. Call it The Fire Pit. Serve bloody Marys. Play Disco Inferno.
Meekus: I'll use a mini pitchfork for the grill. ^ ^