Swimming with Dolphins

Justin: I never told you this story? So, I went to the beach by myself since no one could come with me so I was like "Fuck you bitches, I'll go by myself." I'm in the water, having a good time or whatever, when a wave comes — bam! — knocks me down. It was a pretty heavy duty wave so, you know,  it knocked the wind out of me. 

I try to stand up and realize that I can't. I'm like "shit" since I'm there by myself. I'm in the water by myself so I have to scoot myself up on the beach on my elbows. I get myself out of the water, look down and my right foot is flopping and dislocated. (me: Ew, like in Harry Potter?) Yes, just like that! I look down and my first thought, no joke, was "You have got to be kidding me." 

I don't know what to do so two or three minutes go by before I see a woman playing with her son on the beach. I say, "Ma'am? Ma'am, could you please get the lifeguard?" She says to me, word for word, "Oh, I thought you were just resting." This bitch. She goes and she comes back with a ziploc bag of ice. I mean, I appreciate the thought and all but it's a little late for that. 

And, as the lifeguards are walking up, I see dolphins in the water. The stretcher, the ambulance, three hours in the waiting room, surgery, eight pins in my ankle, and the rest is history. 

Moral of the story: Don't go swimming with dolphins.